Happiness and Habits

I’m a big believer that happiness is a choice.  People who feel unfulfilled, who seek a state of being (happy) that eludes them, must be willing to make a conscious choice and then follow that choice with actions.  In the same way that an addict must decide they want help, an unhappy person must decide they want to be happy and be prepared to take conscious steps to realize that goal.   

Many unhappy people see happiness as a mountain too high to climb.  I did for many years.  I kept looking for a pill (from my psychiatrist) or an aha moment that would cure me.  I kept coming back for therapy sessions thinking I would talk myself into being happy. 

I finally made the choice to be happy only after my life hit an all-time low that included a dissolving marriage, addiction to Ambien, and depths of despair where no one could reach me.   

However, while happiness is a choice, it’s not a light switch.   

Once the choice is made, you must define what makes you happy.  Lots of reflection is required.  Journaling allows you to track and record actions and activities and how they make you feel.  What habits are serving you?  Which aren’t? 

Happiness for me has come as a result of defining my values, identifying activities that support those values — while also identifying (and discontinuing) activities that don’t — and establishing daily practices, many in the form of habits that ensure I’m living my values. For example, my morning routine consists of the following, in order:

• Exercise (generally 30-60 minute run, bike or rowing)

• Shower

• Transcendental Meditation

• Prayer  

• Gratitude and daily intention diary

In his book, Atomic Habits, James Cleary explains that habits reflect your identity: “What you do is an indication of the type of person you believe that you are — either consciously or unconsciously.”  If you decide that you don’t want to be happy or aren’t willing to take steps to be happy, your habits will reflect that attitude. 

Laziness, apathy, poor eating patterns, minimal fitness activities, and unhealthy relationships are characteristics of unhappy people.   

Conversely, a person committed to being happy will make conscious choices that reflect their self-defined identity of a happy person, like engagement with others, mindfulness, consumption of healthy foods and, physical fitness.  And when those actions become habits, they become the compound interest of self-improvement.  “The same way that money multiplies through compound interest, the effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them,” Cleary states.   

Cleary goes on to explain that the first step of habit change is not what or how, but who.  In other words, who do you want to be, and how can your habits support that identify?  For example, if you want to stop biting your nails, don’t just use will power: Get a manicure and decide to take pride in having beautiful fingernails.   

Habits shouldn’t be distinguished as good or bad, but rather effective or ineffective.  Are your habits effective at supporting your desired identify?   

Once you’ve defined the who (defining your values can help with this step), Cleary identifies four laws of good habits: 

1. Make it obvious  

   1. Create a habit scorecard: Assemble a list of your daily habits and assign them grades with a + if it supports you, - if it doesn’t support you. or = if it’s neutral.   

   2. Use implementation intentions which declare a new habit with specifics: I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].   

   3. Use habit stacking: “After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT]. (Note: I LOVE habit stacking.  My morning routine is ALL ABOUT habit stacking one after the other) 

   4. Design your environment:  Make cues of good habits obvious and visible 

2. Make it attractive 

   1. Use temptation bundling: Pair an action you want to do with an action you need to do 

   2. Join a culture: Find a place where your desired behavior is the normal behavior 

   3. Create a motivation ritual:  Do something you enjoy immediately before addressing a difficult habit 

3. Make it easy 

   1. Reduce friction: Decrease the number of steps between you and your good habits 

   2. Prime the environment: Prepare the space around you to make future actions easier 

   3. Master the decisive moment: Optimize the small choices that deliver outsized impact 

   4. Use the Two-Minute Rule: Downscale your habits until they can be done in two minutes or less 

   5. Automate your habits: Invest in technology and onetime purchases that lock in future habits 

4. Make it satisfying 

   1.  Use enforcement: Give yourself an immediate reward when you complete your habit 

   2. Make “do nothing” enjoyable: When avoiding a bad habit, design a way to see the benefits 

   3. Use a habit tracker: Keep track of your habit streak and “don’t break the chain” 

   4. Never miss twice: When you forget to do something you want to make a habit, make sure you get back on track immediately 

Hit me up if you want to chat about habits.  I’m always looking for tips to learn more and get better.  And if you want to explore ways you can establish habits that support who you are or want to be, I’ll love to discuss with you.