Courage. And Values.
At about 6:00 on this most recent New Year’s Eve, my wife ventured down to our basement office to say hi and discuss dinner. Perhaps like many of you, New Year’s was a subdued affair (spaghetti and Netflix as it turned out). After landing on that rockin’ plan, we turned to the coming year. The topic of resolutions and goals came up and she explained that she’s never been a goal’s girl. They require definition and tracking and somehow, they get lost. It’s the rare breed who perseveres an entire year to achieve resolutions, she added. I tend to agree.
Instead, the approach she adopted in 2020 and invited me to embrace, was a word for the year. Her word in 2020: freedom. My word: connect. Connection took on a new meaning for all of us in 2020, but what is wonderful about having a word for the year is that it’s something to strive for. If you pick the right word, and you’re committed, you keep striving.
I’m an introvert by nature. I have good relationships with family, friends, and colleagues, but I’ve recognized as I’ve grown older that I haven’t cultivated relationships in the way that a faithful family member, friend or colleague should. Being an introvert is all fine and well until you use it as an excuse not to connect. I realized that I had indeed used my introversion as an excuse — an excuse not to do lunch, grab a beer, go to the backyard BBQ, call a friend.
No more.
In 2020, I called people. I texted. I organized Zoom calls with college friends. I initiated an upcoming Scotland golf trip with some buddies (to occur post-Covid). When a new employee started at my company, I scheduled a meet and greet. I met an old friend for a masked walk through the park. I woke up another friend on a Saturday morning with a Facetime call that turned into a long overdue 90-minute catch-up chat with him and our wives. In October, I called a lifelong Dodgers fan to congratulate him on his team’s World Series victory and we spent a fantastic hour connecting. And when I thought of a funny story or anecdote that sparked thoughts of someone (“Remember that time in college when we….?”), I let them know.
I was far from perfect — no doubt I could have done better. But I kept my word top of mind: Connect. Connect. Connect. I acted. I fostered relationships. I shared. I learned. I laughed. I connected.
My word for 2021 is courage. Here’s what that means to me:
Live my values
Values are my compass. Like all of us, I live in integrity when I am in alignment with my values. Often though, living your values means making hard choices. Speaking your mind, taking action, saying no, walking away, trying harder...committing.
In 2021, I will be holding myself accountable to living in alignment with these values:
Impact: Make a meaningful contribution to people, places, and causes important to me
Achievement: Cross finish lines physically and metaphorically in areas, notably fitness, that challenge me and deliver a feeling of accomplishment
Discovery: Learn, grow, experience and explore
Acceptance: Accept myself and others as we are, with gratitude
Connect
I’m still an introvert. Unlike my sister, I will never be the life of the party. But I will still connect in ways that work best for me. I will have courage in not defaulting to introversion as an excuse: that’s the old me. I will be courageous. And I will connect.
Overcome fear
Setting aside legitimate situations when fear is warranted (e.g. being chased by a saber-toothed tiger, house on fire, your kid approaching her 16th birthday and wanting the car), fear is generally your ego telling you that a situation is bumping up against your limiting beliefs. In 2021, I will catch myself when situations arise that make me think to myself, “I’m not good enough.” I will set aside my own story and have courage to speak up, to act.
If you’re searching for your 2021 word, a few questions to guide you:
In what areas do you seek growth?
What do you admire in others that you want to emulate?
Fast-forward to a year from now — what attribute would you like to have advanced?
Let me know your word for 2021. If you want to discuss it, I’d love to.