My First Threesome

My wife and I are officially in a threesome with Netflix (We’re full-blown swingers if you include Disney+, Amazon Prime Video, HBO+, Paramount+ and Hulu).   

This relationship is SO different for us; before COVID, it was just the two of us, in every way.  We rarely watched shows together before the shutdown.  Most nights, there was a practice to carpool or coach, a board meeting to join, work to continue, or simply time spent hanging with the kids.   

Not in COVID.   

With no extracurricular activities and no commute, come 7:00 at night, both Matty and I are nine to ten hours deep into staring at our computers.  We are desperate to extricate ourselves from our desks and power down our brains with something mindless.  Netflix, Prime, Disney +, and Hulu have been our saviors.  We have mainlined more multiple-season shows in the past year then in our previous 22 years together pre-quarantine.   

Here is a list of JUST the shows (excluding probably another 25 movies) we’ve watched together since March 2020 (in order of my favorites): Schitt’s Creek, Ted Lasso, The Crown, The Queen’s Gambit, The Morning Show, WandaVision, Red Oaks, Cobra Kai, Emily in Paris, Modern Love, Bridgerton, Pretend It’s a City, Queer Eye, Firefly Lane.   It’s been a fun ride!  

Beyond streaming, here’s a list of how else I’ve changed amidst the pandemic:  

• I have more defined habits and rituals: I start each day with a health and mindfulness routine. 

• I read more: always at night, but sometimes in the morning, and almost always during both weekend days which is new for me.  I have always loved reading, but never more than this past year.  I love learning and I learn from reading. 

• I get lonely more frequently: over the course of the lockdown I’ve had probably five or six down periods, each lasting two to three days where I miss our old life; I’m just sad. 

• I appreciate my extended family more.  My parents and sister live in Lexington, Kentucky.  I just saw them for the first time since November of 2019.  This is far and away the longest stretch apart we’ve gone.  It sucks.  It hurts.  I reach out more and there is connection there, but not seeing them has been tough. 

• I bike more on my trainer. 

• I go on more walks with Matty. 

• I have more moments of connection throughout the day with my kids. 

• I go to Starbucks more to get Matty tea.  I speak more frequently with Jimmy, the gentleman who sells Streetwise magazines at my nearby Starbucks. 

• I spend more time by myself. 

• I take far fewer steps.  In 2019, I averaged 12,000 steps per day; in 2020 9,000; and so far in 2021, 5,000. 

• I’m a life coach, which includes not only coaching, but building a website, and posting to my blog, which I love.  

What’s the point?  Everyone’s life has changed amidst this pandemic.  Like you, I can choose which changes will stick and how to integrate them going forward.    

I think about these changes within the context of my values (which I just updated because values evolve).  Here are my thoughts: 

MY VALUE	WHAT IT MEANS TO ME	OVERLAYING HOW I'M DIFFERENT
ACCEPTANCE	Accept myself and others as we are and with gratitude.	My morning routine is now part of who I am. It sticks.
CREATIVITY	Use my passion, knowledge and dedication to build and innovate to solve problems I care about.	Coaching website and blogging: I want to do much more of this. These activities not only elevate contribution for me — they reflect my creativity.
FUN	Create and cherish shared experiences that celebrate the power of now.	Streaming: it’s just fun. I want to keep doing it and build on it. Fewer steps: This one is a problem. Exercise is fun for me and I want to elevate these numbers.
CONTRIBUTION	Elevate people and causes important to me through my actions and words.	Loneliness: It’s okay to be lonely. I’m an introvert after all, but this one offers an invitation to create more connections with others in alignment with my contribution value. Family: I think about this one similarly to loneliness. I want to elevate those most important to me and that starts with family. Tea for Matty: I want to get tea from Starbucks for Matty for the rest of my life. It makes me happy and her caffeinated.
GROWTH	Embrace learning, experiences, and the willingness to be uncomfortable in support of growth.	Reading more: Fits right into growth. It sticks.

Questions for you to consider: how have you changed?  For the better?  For the worse?  How do you want to integrate those changes in your life so that they serve you?   

If you need help defining your values and going through a similar exercise, I’d love to help.  Hit me up.  And if you have suggested shows to watch, please send them my way, too.