What is Your Second Mountain?
What is life calling you to do next?
At what crossroads in life have you arrived that requires reflection, soul searching and a pivot?
Have you done in life what you set out to do: Establish a career, start a family, accumulate wealth, climb the ladder, build relationships, establish yourself in this world? Have you reached a point where you are successful, but not satisfied?
Perhaps you are seeking your second mountain.
The first mountain, according to David Brooks in his New York Times bestseller The Second Mountain, is establishing your sense of self. We all climb the first mountain: It starts when we separate from our parents, build our career, perhaps take on a life partner, and make our mark in the world. The first mountain is all about the self and the ego, and it often takes us until midlife before we stop and look back to reflect.
Three possible outcomes can result from our first-mountain ascent:
We nailed it. We are on our way, and all is well. We’ve found our calling, and it’s full speed ahead.
We get derailed in our climb. Our career progression is interrupted (we get fired, our company goes under), or a life event hits like a storm (divorce, heart attack, disease).
We are successful, but not satisfied. We do everything we set out to do. We build the career, make lots of money, are well regarded, go to the right parties, have lots of Facebook-friendly family pics...and it’s still not enough.
For those in group one, more power to them. It’s a small group. Most of us fall in groups two and three. And for us, there is a season of suffering — a valley. In an essay for Oprah.com, writer Ada Calhoun explains how many women in their 30s and 40s feel adrift.
“You come to this place, midlife. You don’t know how you got here, but suddenly you’re staring 50 in the face. When you turn and look back down the years, you glimpse the ghosts of other lives you might have led. All your houses are haunted by the person you might have been.”
Those in groups two and three are yearning for their second mountain.
Your second mountain is about tapping into your heart and soul, defining your purpose, committing to something (or some things) bigger than yourself and giving yourself away. You fall in love with someone or something — a cause or an idea — and you dedicate yourself to it.
Generally, second-mountain commitments fall into one of four areas: a vocation, a spouse or family, a philosophy or faith, or a community. In essence, you commit to serving others.
How do you emerge from the valley? How do you find your second mountain?
You start by defining what’s most important. Questions to explore:
What did I love as a child?
What are my values?
When in my life did I feel most alive?
What is my perfectly written novel (e.g., what is the story of my life to this point?)
What are the inner voices telling me I’m not good enough, and how do I quiet them?
What is my wiser older self (my sage) calling me to do?
When you can answer these and other questions, you connect dots, remove barriers, link to purpose, and build long-term strategies and short-term actions so that you are creating your life, and defining your future. You are positioning yourself to experience purpose, intention, meaning, connection, and joy.
You are beginning to climb your second mountain.
I know what it’s like to be in the valley. There is loneliness in the valley. Each day feels the same — rudderless, repetitive, like the movie Groundhog Day. Going to work is the same as doing the dishes. You are checking boxes.
I also know what it’s like to emerge from the valley with purpose. Activities tie to values. You sleep better, wake up with intention, laugh more. Joy results from less focus on self and more service to others.
If you are in the valley, if you need support, I can help. I help mid-lifers reprioritize, reset and relaunch their purpose-driven lives, so that they can feel more confident looking forward than looking back.
It starts with a conversation. Let’s talk.